Kristin

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Rhode Island, United States

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Thoughts on "a few extra"

So I’ve gained a few pounds.
Not intentionally this time, and although those around me claim they can’t see it…
“You’re tiny,” my boyfriend says. “No, I’m fat” I argue back.
I can see it. I can tell- my clothes are more snug, and believe me, a girl knows if her underwear feels a little tight. It probably isn’t much, no more than 3 or 4 pounds, but that’s a lot for someone as small as me.
I know I’m not big, don’t get me wrong- but being used to being so skinny for so long, its still hard to picture myself as looking good with some extra meat on my bones.
The other day, when I was having one of my less-than-confident days, and I was complaining to my boyfriend when, fed up, he exclaims “Maybe you’re in balance, did you think of that?” “I’m not in balance. I’m fat.” I snapped back, and continued to angrily overanalyze my body.
Today, I was looking at myself in the mirror, after noticing my workout pants felt a little tight, and realized I don’t look bad. Look at the muscles in my arms! My defined calves!
Maybe he was right.
Maybe I AM in balance. Maybe I’m not meant to be a 00, or an extra small. Maybe I’m just meant to be a small. A size 0, or a 1 even, is NOT big. It’s very small! Who am I kidding? I’m not a cow!
Sure, maybe I’m a little flabby in areas… and theres no one to blame but myself.
I know why I gained a few pounds. I spent a little too much time indulging and maybe I shouldn’t have.
But at the same time, I don’t want to deprive myself.
I’m not going to try and lose those extra few pounds. Because maybe they’re supposed to be there.
I AM going to actively, consciously look at my food choices and watch the amount of junk I’m eating, so I don’t gain too much weight. I don’t need to have the night time snack if I’m not hungry. I don’t need to overindulge every time I go out. Then again, I don’t want to restrict myself- that’s the last thing I want to do.
I need to eat more intuitively, not bingeing because I feel bad, or overeating because everyone around me is. I’m not perfect. There will be times that I’ll eat something completely unhealthy, and as long as it’s worth it to me, I shouldn’t stress about it, and I shouldn’t gain weight- because my overall diet and exercise plan should be enough to support the occasional splurge.
My point is, I need to stop complaining about being fat, and accept myself for who I am. Accept my body for not being perfect, because I love food too much to work my ass off every single day, restricting myself and eating boring, bland things to get the “perfect” body. My body is perfect as it is.
I’m a good weight for my height, I have a good amount of muscle, my legs are strong enough to keep me running, my arms can lift more than I ever thought they would. I eat healthy, balanced foods and I’m getting enough nutrients to fuel my body and mind. I have an amazing boyfriend, wonderful friends and an incredible family. I should be happy with my life.

So here is where I tell myself to SHUT UP. (And you, too if you need it!)

Enjoy life, stop stressing about a few extra pounds, enjoy healthy, wholesome foods and don’t worry about getting too many carbs, too much fat, or having a cookie once in a while.
All I need to do is get back into balance- my lifelong struggle, although I hate calling it that. Sometimes it’s a struggle, yes, but overall it’s all part of the journey of health.


That being said, one of my favorite healthy foods... oats!
Check out the lovely Miss Lindsay's Quaker Oat giveaway!

3 comments:

Erica said...

::applauds::
Great entry. Sadly, i can relate to most of it. So is life. :p

VeggieGirl said...

Amen!!

hk said...

I think you're right on the money here, babe! Your boy is too right, listen to him :) We have developed backwards ways of thinking...and balance, and fun, and happiness is all about being happy with ourselves, our food, and our friends and families. If that means a brownie here and a little bit of jiggle on our tummies, power to it...that's what life is all about..not worry about being a size 0...because really we're the only ones that know what that tag on our pants says....AND it DOESN'T matter one bit in the grand scheme of things.

Your blog is the picture of health and happiness, and that's what everyone's goal should be! KUDOS xoxo lots of love!